the downside to being a stay at home mom

Its the part no one talks about. Okay, maybe someone talks about it. I don’t know. But, they don’t in my friend group anyway. And my husband, God love him, doesn’t always get it. Because I mean really, all I have to do is keep two toddlers alive and keep the house from looking like a burglary. And ya know, maybe cook dinner on occasion. How hard can it be? This is how I feel most people perceive stay at home parenting. These people are not stay at home parents.

This morning, I found myself laying in my kitchen floor crying. Laying. In. My. Kitchen. Floor. Crying. Over spilled milk. Then crying because under my cabinets wasn’t very clean. At that moment I almost uttered the words “I hate being a mom.” but, I didn’t. I don’t hate being a mom. I just wish I had time away from it. I have friends who never go anywhere without their kids not even dates, and I want to salute them and give them a GIANT hug. If you’re one of those moms, here’s my hug to you.

The part of stay at home parenting no one talks about, is not liking it. If you don’t like it, you must not be a good mom because  how could you NOT want to be home with them 24/7?? “They’re precious. They’re only young once. You’ll miss this one day.” Ya know what? Maybe one day I will. Today, I want to day drink and set sail. Today, I want to run away. Today, I’m tired of cleaning house and spilled milk. Today I’m tired of singing wheels on the bus and if I hear HOT DOG HOT DOG HOT DIGGITY DOG or however that song goes, I will break my TV. Which would suck, cause we only own one. Today, I’m tired. I just want out a few hours of not having to answer to mommy. The INSANE part of this is I feel SO GUILTY for even typing these words and I’m wondering if I should even be a mom right now. Or maybe I’m a bad mom for having these thoughts because certainly a good mom wouldn’t, right? Right? Does anyone else have these feelings like this? If all moms feel like this why aren’t we talking about it?

Why do we spend so much time trying to make our lives appear perfect and wonderful on Facebook? Why don’t we show real mom moments? Our house a mess, the crayon art on the wall, the nail polish our daughter found so she painted her whole arm to be “just like mommy”. And why aren’t we honest about our feelings. When was the last time when someone asked how you felt about being a stay at home you said anything other than “I love it. Its the best thing ever”. It is okay to not love it everyday. I think. I hope so. Otherwise I’m doing a bad job at this mom thing.

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My Breastfeeding Journey is Almost Over

So, my breastfeeding journey is almost over. My son is almost one. I breastfed my daughter until she was 19 months old, and had major nursing aversion. My son is almost one and the amount of times he breastfeeds in a day is almost down to once. This is a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand, I will have my body back to myself! That in itself is just a happy dance for me. But then that also means, I’m not providing for my children anymore (in that sense anyway) and them not needing me that much anymore makes me so sad.

When I first started this journey on January 29, 2013, I was just planning on making it through the first three months. When I first started, no one told me about the insane amount of pain that it would cause. I always heard “if it hurts, they’re not latched correctly.” WRONG. It just hurts. I would cry while feeding my daughter and my husband would beg me to give her formula, but I always refused. After everything that had gone wrong in my pregnancy, this was one thing I had to do. It hurt the worst for the first three weeks, after those three weeks it started getting easier.

When she turned one, I decided I was ready to stop, so I started the weaning process. Which may have gone easier if maybe I wasn’t a stay at home. But, I am. So, for a week, my daughter screamed and screamed and screamed and I just gave in. I hated it, I didn’t enjoy it anymore, sure there were some times where it was enjoyable. But, until you’ve nursed a toddler it’s really hard to explain, but let me try. Imagine you’re trying to keep a cat in the bathtub, or water in general. You know how they go all crazy and all directions? That’s basically what breastfeeding a toddler is like. It’s not fun, but I did it. I nursed my daughter through my whole pregnancy. I was hoping it would help me dilate and efface during the end of my pregnancy. But, it didn’t.

I was terrified to tandem breastfeed. It looks cool when other moms do it on Facebook, they are true rock stars, those moms. But, I was terrified. I went in to have my son, and I fed her the morning before I went in, then when she came and saw her new brother and me, she didn’t nurse, she didn’t try. When I came home two days later, she didn’t nurse, she tried once and we told her it was “bubba milky” and she left them alone and has ever since.

I was kind of sad about how easy it was, but also extremely thankful. Now, it’s time to wean my son, and I’m hoping it goes smoothly and easily. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it yet. He has FINALLY started sleeping through the night this week though, which is a nice change, and maybe a sign he’s starting to be ready to wean.

Through this whole journey with my children,  I formed a passion for breastfeeding and helping other moms breastfeeding and trying to normalize it and make other moms know that it was okay to do, not just okay, but proud! That was my goal, it still is and it always will be. I have a lot of friends and family who don’t really understand it and still view it as a sexual thing, which is a whole other blog post in itself, but I’m hoping by sharing information, it’ll help to normalize it in my group of people, and go beyond.

Weekly Review Post #1- Sites I’m using!

Okay, so I have signed up with a few sites.

Here are the sites I have signed up with first, if you want to check them out and sign up yourself

DISCLAIMER- I have received free/reduced price products from these sites, but all opinions are my own! I would never recommend something I wouldn’t personally use. THANK YOU!

Smiley 360 use my widget

Pinchme sign up here

Influenster- use my widget 🙂

I am currently about to receive a box from both pinchme and smiley360. One of them is a teething box which I am SO excited for! One of them is a teething box, and I know for a fact that will come in handy! Baby G should be getting some more teeth soon! I can’t believe it!

The other box is going to have lotion, pantyliners, flossers, and some body wash. I’m pretty excited for that one too. I have a lotion obsession, so I’m hoping I’ll really like it. Those are going to be my next two review blogs. I hope you all like these. Also, I will be doing some videos too. If I start a YouTube channel, I’ll be sure and link it on here so you can follow my reviews as well.

Thank you for reading!

hello!

So, its been a couple weeks. A crazy couple weeks. I’m sorry, I have missed blogging so much. But, I am back! And, I have something to share with you all! I have recently started reviewing products. You can join me by using this link. About once a week I will post an HONEST review. Yes, these products will be free (or discounted) but, that does not affect my opinion AT ALL!

I have a lot of things planned to write up, but, my husband was in a wreck and we’ve been car shopping and car seat shopping and trying to get everything situated, so I’m hoping by the end of the week I will be back to blogging once a week.

Also, be on the lookout for adorable FIRST BIRTHDAY pictures! Have a wonderful Saturday!

I’ll be back soon!

My Take on the Gay Marriage Bill.

phil wise

Okay, so my Facebook has been taken over by storm of people on two completely different sides of the spectrum. As a country, this should have passed because of the separation of church and state. Freedom from/of religion. So, it should have passed. Now, as a CHRISTIAN, which will be what this post is about, my belief is that being gay is a sin. I am not sinless, I’m fully prepared to put a few of my sins on blast here

-I had premarital sex

-I’ve lied

-I’ve used the Lord’s name in vain

-I cuss

-I fail God daily, somehow every. single. day.

and the list goes on and on and on. I work hard to change every day, and EVERY SINGLE DAY I fail! I FAIL! I am NOT perfect! But, a PERFECT God loves ME! I am fully prepared to be judged. And, I expect to be judged. I love everyone. Literally, if you know me, my heart is so full of love for everyone it’s ridiculous and sometimes gets taken advantage of. That does not mean I have to love their sin. I don’t. In spite of that, I still love them and I show them Jesus through me. Jesus loved everyone, but that does not mean he condoned what everyone did. He made them turn from their ways if they truly wanted to know Jesus. They had to turn away FROM ALL sins and never look back, and if they truly wanted salvation, they would do it willingly without a second thought.

Why, can’t people see that you can love someone without loving everything they do? Seriously, do you love every single thing your husband does? I know you don’t, but does that mean you don’t love him? No. You love that man to pieces and you would put yourself in harm’s way to protect him. That’s how it works as a Christian, I have so much love for EVERYONE, but that doesn’t mean I love everything they do.

That’s just my two cents on the subject. No hateful comments. I said this as loving as I possibly could.

“Why Don’t You Just Cover Up.. Or Pump?”

This is my response to these two questions as a breastfeeding mother who has been breastfeeding for almost three years collectively. 

To everyone who wonders why I don’t cover up.. or pump!

I was like you once. I thought breastfeeding was “gross” or “if women want to do it, they at least shouldn’t do it around people. ESPECIALLY KIDS! HOW GROSS” I had these thoughts, which is surprising if you know that I breastfed my daughter for eighteen months and my son will be breastfed a year in August. I didn’t understand why these women would do that, and wasn’t it embarrassing? Didn’t they have any self-respect? My mom breastfed my brother when I was 14 (he had just been born) and I was SO MORTIFIED! I remember she did it in the airport, there were people everywhere, and her cover kept falling off. Couldn’t she just STOP!

Then, I got pregnant. I met Google. And, I started researching breastfeeding, even though I had my heart set on formula anyway, but, I looked, and I found out all the benefits of breastfeeding. I remember people would ask me what I would do in public. And I was like well I’ll cover myself or schedule my trips around her feeding schedule (HAHAHAHA).

Well, my daughter was born, and from the time she was a newborn, she was pulling stuff off her head (even her bows) and she did not want anything covering her or she would scream and cry, which is counterproductive. So, I couldn’t cover myself. I remember going to Buffalo Wild Wings once and going to the bathroom to feed her and crying because I was so embarrassed, but I refused to give her formula. That was also the first day I nursed in public. I asked myself why I was the embarrassed one. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was simply feeding my daughter. So, I walked out of the bathroom, with my daughter latched on. And I sat down and ate my lunch. No one said anything to me. No one yelled at me. No one gawked at me, I doubt most people noticed.

Now, you’re wondering why I don’t pump. Here’s why, I don’t produce milk while pumping. I do during the first 1-3 weeks but after that I don’t. Simple, and even if I could, I would still have to pump while feeding him the bottle so my supply wouldn’t be interrupted.

Now, you’re wondering about how I COULD SHOW MY BREASTS.. In front of YOUR HUSBAND or *gasp* your children (clutch your pearls) here’s the thing, when my son is hungry, your husband isn’t even on my mind, my husband isn’t even on my mind unless I need his help. I sincerely hope a woman breastfeeding does not turn your husband on. I hope he doesn’t gawk or stare.

I hope if your kids ask a question you tells them “that mommy is feeding her baby.” I hope you don’t make breastfeeding a bad thing. I hope you tell them that there is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope you genuinely try to get them to understand the different ways people eat. I hope you use that opportunity as a teaching lesson for your children. Also, I’m not a circus freak, so don’t have a stare off with your family looking at me.

Your child, isn’t on my mind because in my household, it’s normal. My daughter doesn’t find it weird. I’m sure one day she will, but I want her to know IT IS OKAY to feed HER CHILD from HER BODY. That is the message I want to send her. One day I want to send my son the message he DARN SKIPPY better SUPPORT HIS WIFE on her breastfeeding journey.

I’m not showing off my areola, I’m trying my best to not show any of my boob at all. I’m trying not to show my stomach. I’m trying to keep myself as covered as possible. But, that’s not always possible. Yes, I’ll agree with you, breasts can be sexual, but, that is not their primary purpose. They are not considered genitalia. They are there to produce milk to feed babies. My son is ten months. He moves all over the place. He moves my shirt. He likes to play with my shirt and sometimes my necklaces which makes keeping covered difficult. I consider myself a modest person. I try to cover as much as I can, but I am not going to listen to my son scream and kick and fight, thus making him more angry than he was when he was hungry just for your convenience, when the only convenience that matters to me is my children’s and at that moment the things thats convenient for them is getting some milk.

I hope this helps explain to you why I don’t cover or pump. I hope this helps you feel more okay with breastfeeding in general.

Signed,

A proudly breastfeeding mother.

Weddings, Birthday Parties, and Crafts

Well, it appears it’s been a busy week in the household. My best friend got engaged! I am so excited for her! We were all just kind of waiting for it to happen and now that it has it is so exciting. She finally found the right guy and it makes me so happy for her. She’s such a sweet person and has been dealt quite a few jerks, so I am really proud that she got this amazing guy.

I get to be in her wedding and so does little J! I am so excited!!! I’ve been reliving all of my wedding experiences through her while trying not to be a major pain. I’m just really excited. Weddings and babies are my favorite things and I just want to give them all the Pinterest ideas I haven’t used yet and pour them onto them to use. So, now, I’m trying to tone back my excitement and let her tell me what she wants and what to do. There’s only 6 more weeks until her wedding!

On my list of things to do, besides ya know all the fun stuff, is starting the couch to 5k and then doing the squat challenge and trying my hardest to eat healthier. All year long, I’ve been wanting to get healthier, but it’s not an easy thing to do. You can tell yourself all day you will you will you will, but until you do you’re not doing anything. Tomorrow is when that starts. I’m going grocery shopping for all the healthy treats today.

Mr. G turns one on August 18. I’m doing his party on August 15. The theme is going to be… wait for it… SPOONS. Yes, like the eating utensil. Yes, really. Mr. G is OBSESSED with spoons. Like, literally obsessed with spoons. So, I thought I would turn it into his party theme. To make it less weird the colors are going to be red, black, and white like a vintage kitchen.  A lot of people have kind of given me the “seriously” look and I’m just like “yes, I’m 100% serious” I didn’t know how much work would go into a completely DIY party. Like, there is NOTHING online to help me. There’s chef parties but those are for older kids who are cooking, and Mr. G is one, so he’s definitely not cooking yet. I really hope it turns out cute.

The party favors are going to be SPOONable candies. His special party hat is going to be made out of spoons. I’m also going to make a high chair kit, I’m asking the bakery to put the cupcakes in the shape of a spoon. I’m just trying to think of fun, creative ways to incorporate spoons into his party, so if you have any ideas, comment below! I am so excited. In my dream world, that post will go Pinterest viral and it’ll be all the rage! We’ll see! haha.

I have decided to start making bows and headbands again. check out my stuff here 🙂 My aunt called me a couple weeks ago and was like “hey, I have a craft booth and I would love to have some bows can you make me some?” and I was like “SURE!” So, I am. I made a facebook page since these people aren’t local they’ll be able to find me. I do plan on opening an Etsy once I see how these do. I’ll update that on here periodically and might even put up some tutorials if there’s interest.

Hello

im at the point in parenting where you can choose to laugh or cry. I have a 2 and a half year old diva (lil J) and a (almost) one year old son (mr. G) and their daily shenanigans make my one glass of wine a night well deserved. 

A lot of days I wonder if I’m doing it right. I go to bed convinced my kids are going to be scarred for life. I’ve kind of left Facebook because so many articles on there made me feel like no matter what I chose I was wrong and i couldn’t deal. This is my confession. I  AM NOT A PERFECT MOM. I AM NOT A PERFECT WIFE. In fact I just learned how to cook eight months ago. I raise my voice to my kids probably more often than I should. Some days I countdown until nap time. Bribery is a survival mechanism. After dinner I countdown to bedtime. I’ve swatted my daughter’s hand for doing things she knows better than. I still have a pair of keys I can’t find three months later.

I write in my prayer journal begging God to give me a sign my kids are going to be just fine, and that’s usually about the time my daughter gets her babydoll and is a loving mommy to her. 

I get mad at my husband for working too much. I tell myself I’m going to go for a run but that hasn’t happened yet. 

But, I love my kids more than anyone could imagine. I find joy in their small gestures. I love my husband more than anything on this earth. I would do anything for them. And maybe, one day I’ll be a perfect housewife. But for now, I’ll stick with average. I hope you stay along for the ride. Talk to you soon.